If you belong to “Category 3”, you will end up being a “Corporate Leader”!

If you don’t shit, you are not human! In fact you are not even an animal because they shit too! From personal life to professional life, sometime somewhere we all have shit, dealt with it, and learnt our lessons.

And for some reason, my office is full of people who shit day and night. Isn’t your office too? Such is their proficiency at shitting and glorifying their shit, that it makes a non-shitting person like me look like a complete moron in front of them.

Three most creative ways to deal with corporate shit

Everyone in my office has his/her own way of dealing with shit, but the following three ways win hands down 😃!

I. The Concealers

There was a person in my office who had been doing the same job for the past 10 years. Everything that he did was a giant black box. So much was the management’s trust in him, that they never bothered to check what he had been doing. When he moved out after 10 long years, we opened the black box only to realize he had been cooking shit for all these years. Shit that was served in different designs each time!

Such was the artistic level of his shit designs that it can even give LOUIS VUITTON designers a run for their money.

Key Takeaway #1— “Shit as much as you want to, but conceal it behind a 20 ft wall.”

II. The Corporate Nomads

These people are bad concealers, but they are adept at one particular thing — they keep moving. They keep shitting at one place, and just when the pile is a bit too high, they pack there bags and move places. And once they shift places, they literally wash there hands and the entire shit load (that they had created) belongs to the person who comes in next 😞.

Ergh!!! Sounds way too familiar. Been there on the receiving end soooo many times!

Key Takeaway #2 — “Shit as much as you want to, but always keep your bags packed and ready to move just at the right time.”

III. The Gourmet Chefs

These are my favorite ones. They shit epic, and they shit way too often. Give them the easiest of stuff to do, and they have an unmatched mastery to create shit out of it.

But they have another unmatched skill — they will literally put that shit on a plate, garnish it with the most exotic green leaves, decorate it with marinara sauce and serve you with so much confidence, as if its the tastiest dish from a Michelin star restaurant worth 200$. (Just like the man in the picture 😄)

First they shit, and then they bullshit about it!

All the amazing looking yet senseless presentations you hear in the office fall under this category. And guess what, only the high fliers and future leaders can give such presentations 😄! An ordinary person like you and me does not possess this skill.

Key Takeaway #3 — “Shit as much as you want to, but never let anyone believe it is shit. Tell everyone with immense confidence that its the most exotic dish they would ever come across.”

How do I manage my shit in office?

I will be honest. I shit too at times, but I never try to bullshit about it. So I am never the Gourmet Chefs. I have learnt a very smart and honest way of dealing with shit that you may have created.

First, you raise your hand in the open forum and admit it is your shit. Then you give a special “Learning Together” session in front of 600 people on “How not to shit?”, using your example as a Case Study.

Suddenly, from being a victim, you are now a leader because you not only owned your shit, but are also educating others not to shit.

I have learnt it the hard way that you whether you shit or not, you often have to bullshit about your stuff. Bigger the organization, higher is the importance given to bullshitting. My manager has recently put in my GPA about how well I can bullshit in front of the leadership (loosely translated to giving presentations on efficiency improvement).

Three Golden rules to deal with “Corporate Shitting”

Our success in the corporate world is often not determined by whether we shit or not, but how good are we are at dealing with the same. To sum it up, I am sharing with you three golden rules to deal with Corporate shitting, which I have learned from my mentors — all of whom are great business leaders today 😄.

I. How well you can conceal our shit
II. How well you can disguise our shit
III. How your shit is stinkier than mine and my shit does not stink at all 😮

Do share your experience of how people deal with shit in your office. I bet it would be pretty similar 😄!

Another fun read from the author:

https://thehubpublication.com/what-happens-when-gods-try-to-understand-what-a-social-media-influencer-does-288aa7db039f

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